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Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in sonicshake's LiveJournal:

Friday, February 18th, 2005
6:17 am
Fuck all to say that can't be said thru song lyrics: Here goes...

"Wake up bad and I can't sleep back
If I can't sleep back then I'm waking in black
And the whole world's covered in crap
And the folk I see got a fold-on smile,
Got a fold-on smile like they got it on tap
Oh if I can't do nothing but sit and cry
Have I something better to do?
Give me half a bottle and leave me right
If you lean on me then I'll lean on you
Well can I lean on you for-

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I've got another day
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, to find another way
Today is hate the world day
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I can't get positive
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, just get it over with
Today is hate the world day, hate the world day

If the light's too bright in a worn out style
There's a time when I don't wanna open my eyes
Until the negativity dies
Cos' I ain't no use to the world outside
If the world outside isn't giving a shite
Well if I can't do nothing but fear and pray
For a generation I've sussed
Then I'll hold my head and I'll hear them say
We will stay by you if you stay by us
Maybe I'll be your voice and

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm in the dark again
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I count alone to ten
Today is hate the world day
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I wanna be on Mars
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, stay in bed because
Today is hate the world day, hate the world day

And now and then I get a-near to you
Something that I might adhere to
Even though I don't appear to
I still want you just the same
But the mood is all I blame
And tomorrow will I fall in love again? Yeah…

When I wake up bad in a worn out style
There's time awhen I don't wanna open my... eyes
Oh well if I can't do nothing but sit and cry
Have I something better to do?
Give me just one day and I'll make it by
If you lean on me then I'll lean on you
Well then I'll lean on you with-

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I've got another day
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, to find another way
Today is hate the world day
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I can't get positive
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, just get it over with
Today is hate the world, today is hate the world
Today is hate the world day …"

'Hate The World Day' - The Wildhearts
Monday, February 14th, 2005
5:05 pm
"Every minute passed of every passing day
Watching the wave we thought would last, sailing away
Out into the blue and I'm rooted to the shore
Still there's a darker shade of grey like never before

Bad time, bad time to be having a bad time
Bad time, bad time to be having a bad time
Well I wish that it was over, but it's only just begun
How come the sum of one and one is none?

When to ground us here, and when to fly alone
Loneliness is nothing to fear if you never had a home
Wondering if days of independence end
Stuck in the habit of packing, unpacking
Then packing again

Bad time, bad time to be having a bad time
Bad time, bad time to be having a bad time
Well I wish that it was over, but it's only just begun
How come the sum of one and one is none?

Kiss me in the dark, I don't wanna see you cry

Bad time, bad time to be having a bad time
Bad time, bad time to be having a bad time
Well I wish that it was over, but it's only just begun
How come the sum of one and one is none?
How come the sum of one and one is none?
How come the sum of one and one is none...?"

'Bad Time To Be Having A Bad Time' - The Wildhearts

(One of my favourite Wildhearts songs, and also one of my favourite songs of all time.)
3:32 pm
'Life has teeth, and bites...'

...fucking hard.

It also likes to give you swift quick to the bollocks for good measure. Feel like I'm still miles away from understanding my own mind sometimes. Had a minor breakdown at the weekend followed by an unstoppable crying fit. Luckily I had an ever reliable friend to talk to. If she wasn't there it scares me to think of what I could of done to myself. 'Now' is never good enough and 'then' was merely fine. How far away is happiness? Round the corner? Ever...? Feelin' bleak. I apologise.

"Some of them seem to be immune, while others just disappear,
The wise ones they just grow up and get the fuck out of here..."

'The Only Girl I Ever Loved' - Tyla

Current Mood: melancholy
Friday, February 11th, 2005
6:32 am
Yep, this week at work has been as boring, soul-melting and tiring as I expected! A few plus points though: remembered (as if I needed reminding!) how good a friend Kat (missmarri) is. Always there with support and advice, however fucked up my head is! Improving leaps and bounds on the guitar, the noises in my head are actually coming out of my amp now, lol. Good stuff.

"Just like children hidin' in a closet,
Can't tell what's goin' on outside,
Sometimes we're so far off the beaten track
we'll get taken for a ride,
By a parlour trick or some words of wit,
A hidden hand up a sleeve,
To think that the one you love
could hurt you now,
It's a little hard to believe,
But everybody darlin' sometimes bites the hand that feeds..."

'Breakdown' - Guns n' Roses

Current Mood: listless
Monday, February 7th, 2005
9:40 am
Fuck.

Gotta go back to work tonight. After two weeks of (near) bliss it's back to the hellhole. Tesco really is the shittiest place on earth to me right now. All I wanna do is play music and when I'm working I hardly have time to practise the guitar, let alone write some decent fucking songs. Fuck. It's 9.30 in the morning and I'm on my third beer.

Not good.

Me and Roy went to go see our drummer's kit at the weekend. Man, that thing is a beast! It's huuuge! I'm very happy indeed. Phil has no excuse for not sounding as good as Keith Moon now... ;) Roy's beginning guitar lessons on Tuesday night. I would have taught him myself but I just don't have the time. Plus he's so stubborn sometimes I could strangle the fucker!!
The good news is that I've got a fresh batch of cool song 'ideas' and riffs floating around my head. Can't wait to try 'em out with both guitarists working together.

Feeling quite empowered by the things that I've gone through recently. Turning impossibly negative shit into determination is something that I'm still learning but I'm pretty confident about my own abilities, and my place in the grand scheme of things. I think. I steadfastly refuse to be beaten down by what is basically a chemical imbalance in my brain. A condition. Anyone who has suffered from manic depression or related illnesses, and let's get this straight I'm not talking about feeling a little low 'cos life 'ain't quite peachy. I'm talking about a crippling, soul-destroying negativity that warps your days and decends upon your mind like an imploding atom-bomb. You'll know what I mean.

The slightest thing can send me into a downward spiral. One thought, action or guilty feeling is placed under the high-powered microscope in my head and blown up to Centre Point proportions. While any self-worth/respect I have is drowned beneath the black wave. Fuck it, it feels a tsunami at times!!! :)

"If you find yourself going through hell, keep waliking..." - Winston Churchill

"Gimme something to breathe, give me a reason to live,
Close your eyes and see, what you have inside..." - 'Die Laughing' - Therapy?

Current Mood: discontent
Monday, January 31st, 2005
9:18 am
O.k, feelin' a lot more confident about the whole Ginger joining the Brides 'thing'. He's having input on all 12 songs on the upcoming album and that can't be a bad thing can it!? Plus he's a man who's musical integrity I can't honestly fault. Actually getting a bit excited about it!

Gotta stay in all day today and wait as my new amp cabinet is being delivered either today or tommorow. I fucking hate waiting for things, I'm the most impatient person in the world *cue lots of foot tapping and cigarette smoking*

Just sent a little errand girl into town to pick up Ginger's solo album 'A Break In The Weather' for me. Things are definately beginning to look up. Four new songs on there that I've never heard. We've also pencilled our band in for a rehearsal next week at the back of a music shop.

It's all starting to come together.

Finding some cool people to play with has been the hardest part so far. Like-minded individuals with the right look, attitude and taste. More important though is that their desire to succeed, against all odds and when nothing is going right, never faulters. Hopefully I've found those people, but if I haven't then I'll simply keep looking. That sounds incredibly harsh but I know that this is what I want to spend my life doing, and it certainly makes life a lot easier knowing that. And no-one but myself is gonna fuck this up for me.

The weekend was o.k. Went out. Got drunk. Listened to people talk shit. Had a hangover. Fine, but not how I wanna spend my days. Insert, travel the world with a great band in there and you're close!

"Have ya seen her face?
She's got a face that could stop the clock
And with a face I surely won't stop
To look her in the eyes...."

'He's A Whore' - Cheap Trick

Current Mood: determined
Thursday, January 27th, 2005
12:25 pm
Just found out that my musical inspiration, Ginger (of Wildhearts fame), has flown off to the US to help record an album with mediocre glam, sleaze rockers The Brides Of Destruction. Citing mental issues and pressure as his reason for leaving. I'm gutted and seriously pissed off. This man is a fucking genius who is fucking criminally ignored. Underrated is too small a word to describe the abilty for songwriting this guy possesses . Don't really blame him though to be honest, considering the way the music industry operates over here. Any artist with a modicum of talent or originality is trampled underfoot by an army of vacant nobodies itching to fill the last ones shoes. How long will it take for the cunts in authority to realise that these people have no shelf life? Music fans, when they fall in love a band, are with them for life. Relishing the highs and remaining empathetic with the lows. Not turning their backs when one of their singles flops or when the NME (enemy) attacks. A band is like your friend. It consoles you when your down and adds to the buzz when you're up. And you wouldn't ditch a friend just because they're having problems would you? Answers on a postcard to Gut Records.

Aside from that, I'm feeling frustrated. Desperately wanna get my band (Action Panzer) together and get shit moving. Me and my mate/2nd guitarist Roy have already coughed up enough riffs to suckerpunch the unwary drunks at Esquires (our local *ahem* music venue) into next week. When we eventually get going we're gonna level this fucking excuse for a town, coolly smoke a fag, then move on to the next one. Everything will work out if you let it.

Been spending most of my time worrying about friends (you know who ya are, ;) lol), preparing to drink away the memories and while away the hours down the pub tommorow and working out some new song arrangements on the guitar.

"I can be anything I want to be
Anything you hate in me, multiplied by twenty three
Sometimes in my head I think I'm someone else,
That makes me feel bad
Badder than before
It's my life, my time
I can do what I wanna do..."

- 'Drinking About Life' The Wildhearts

Current Mood: distressed
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